tutufans | WTF, Serra's posting crack!

So I'm sick, tired, and unable to sleep at 11 PM. And I have class at 7 tomorrow morning. What do I say? "This would be a really great time to write crack." And write it I do.

Anyway, if you've ever read "The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army," this is along the same lines. Only with Fakir. And Kinkan Academy. And stuff.

So without further rambling from my diseased self, here's "The 30 Things Fakir is No Longer Allowed to Do at Kinkan Academy."

1. Not allowed to violently shake any other student.

2. Not allowed to grab any other student.

3. Not allowed to touch any other student except during supervised dance practices.

4. No, especially not Mytho.

5. Not allowed to lock Mytho in any of the following places: bathroom, bedroom, janitor’s closet, library storage room, Mr. Cat’s office, girls’ dormitory, dungeon, or crypt.

6. “Because he had an opinion” is not a reason to punish someone.

7. Not allowed to use the Lohengrin Sword to settle verbal disputes.

8. Odette did not “have it coming,” and that was a horrible thing to write about Swan Lake.

9. Ahiru’s hair is not a toy.

10. I must not challenge people to duels while drunk.

11. I must not drink alcoholic beverages.

12. If I’m going to bitchslap people, I should be prepared to receive the same.

13. Must not call Rue a skank anymore.

14. Once was okay, but throwing water at Autor on three separate occasions goes beyond the definition of “turnabout.”

15. The crows will not eat me.

16. “The pen is mightier than the sword” is purely metaphorical, and I should not test this.

17. I must not assume ownership of any other person.

18. Calling Princess Kraehe “a mangy, carrion-feeding, half-molted crow” is probably a bad idea.

19. Must not tell Ahiru’s blonde, pigtailed friend anything negative about my mood, situation, or state of mind.

20. I do not have to fight for Mytho’s honor.

21. The answer to “Fakir, I’m bleeding” is not “Live with it.”

22. When Mr. Cat asks me if I would like to demonstrate a grand jete for the class, I am not allowed to reply “No,” even if it’s true.

23. Not allowed to tell Autor that if he likes The Prince and the Raven so much, he must call me Lohengrin.

24. Not allowed to demand that Autor call me anything but my given name, including the word “Master.”

25. I am no longer allowed to sleep in the library for three nights in a row.

26. No “paper mill” jokes around the Oak Tree of Wisdom.

27. When dancing the pas de deux from Giselle, I must not drop my partner and say, “It looks like she’s alive after all!”

28. There is no such thing as a living nutcracker, and I must not tell Ahiru otherwise.

29. I must not threaten girls for looking in Mytho’s general direction.

30. Even if I am a knight, murder is still illegal, and I should not threaten people with it.