My first PT fanfic and a request for feedback

[mangaka-chan.livejournal.com]

Recently I've been working on my first PT fanfic. But as I haven't been in the fandom for that long, I'm not sure how well I've depicted the characters and it has become my main worry before I preceed any further with my writing. I've also posted this on FF.net but I haven't gotten much response from there. If my fellow fans here are willing to spend a little bit of their time to read and give me some feedback about style, character or anything else they find interesting or confusing, I am most grateful. 

 

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That's it for now. Again, please leave a comment; I need it to help myself improve my writing. And thank you for taking your time out to do this. m(_ _)m